I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
3pm strippers are depressing
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am naked and annoyed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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