you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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