you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
