i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
