things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
