Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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