I will die if light touches me.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
