look no pants
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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