the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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