Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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