i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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