I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ketchup is God's man juice
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
