i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
