it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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