man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
