38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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