i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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