New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
