I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
