This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
