If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This baby is an asshole
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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