2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
