Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
