Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
