Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
