Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
