I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
