we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just cut my nipple shaving
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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