he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
