i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
