shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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