the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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