worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
