Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
