Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
