i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There's even glitter on my cock...
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