If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
