he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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