he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
