sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
