i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
