I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
