I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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