8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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