i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
