Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
