not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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