There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
