ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
