I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
