Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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